Kung-Fu Wonder Child (1986)
Aka:
Kung Fu Wonderchild
Original
Title: 靈幻童子
Tranlation: Spirit Magical (Psychic) Boy
Starring: Lin Hsiao-Lu, Yukari Oshima, Chang
Shan, Jack Long Shi-Chia, Lin Yu-Chieh, Lee Gwan-Sin, Li Hai-Hsing, Yang
Hsiung, Ma Hok-Man, Sam Ching-Wai
Director: Lee Tso-Nam
Action Director: Alexander Lo Rei, Lucifer Li
Hai-Hsing
Taiwanese actress Lin Hsiao-Lan is an interesting
footnote in the history of the Jade Screen. The diminutive young lady started
career at age 13 in the film The
Orientation, in which the poster implies that she was playing a young boy,
not too unlike Angie Tsang Sze-Man of Iron Monkey. That would become a theme for the first part of career: her short
stature and boyish facial features placed her in roles as adolescent or young
adult males, usually in comic martial
arts-fantasy films. The first of these is the deliriously odd Kung-Fu Wonder Child, pairing her with
genre veteran and cult favorite Jack Long, along with an up-and-coming Japanese
actress named Yukari Oshima. Heard
of her?
The
movie begins with a magician (Sam Ching-Wai, of Magic of Spell and Retreat
of the Godfather) and his daughter running afoul of an evil sorcerer known
only as “The Priest” (Li Hai-Hsing, Shaolin Temple Against Lama and Ninja
vs the Shaolin Guard). The two engage in a battle of skills that involve
wire-assisted leaps, controlling objects via telekinesis, and shooting lasers
from their hands. The Priest proves to be the stronger, and makes off
with his victims’ souls and a magical artifact known as the Silver Skull.
Switch
to the local Taoist temple, where the bumbling instructor (Wong Kwan-Hung, of Return
of the Bastard Swordsman and Rape in Public Sea) is teaching Maoshan
magic to the students. This includes singing and dancing while chanting
cheerleader-esque spells and making objects appear out of nowhere. There are two upstarts among the
students (played by William Yen and Tang Heng-Wu), whose antics get them
constant beatings from the teacher and Senior Brother Chang Kong (Yang Hsiung).
Their
only respite is their friendship with the Hsiu Chuen (Lin Hsiao-Lan, of Child of Peach and Magic of Spell), the grandson of the temple cook, Hua
Won (Jack Long, of The 7 Grandmasters and The Mystery of Chess Boxing).
Hsiu has learned by magic and kung fu from her grandfather, who is secretly a
master of the Southern Maoshan, of which the ill-fated master from the
beginning was also a master. She helps the two poor saps get their
comeuppance on the teacher and his assistant, usually in comic fashion.
In a
third subplot, we are introduced Hai Qiuxue, the daughter/sister of the victims
from the first scene. She is played by Yukari Oshima, who was in the earliest
stages of her film career at this point. Qiuxue is wandering the countryside
looking for her father and sister, unaware of their recent tussle with The
Priest. In a sequence that has nothing to do with the rest of the movie.
Hai Chi-Hsue comes across a
pair of jiangshi, or hopping vampire,
children who are looking for their dad. She lets them accompany her
until dad shows up and tries to kill Miss Hai. She does not take too kindly to that and
unleashes her lethal legwork on him until he relents. Apparently, the jiangshi
had received a message from “The Priest” to kill her, but nothing is made
of that afterward.
The
Priest’s two “wardens”—The Legend of Wisely’s Chung Shui-Fuk and Magic Warriors’s Chu Kwan-Yeung-- are sent to keep tabs on Hai Qiuxue, and Hsiu
Chuen and his friends from the temple come to her rescue. Our heroes eventually
discover the Priest’s hideout, where he keeps the souls of his victims in urns,
guarded by a green-haired zombie, the Ghost King, who is also a kung fu dynamo.
Their first encounter with the Priest—who is also the abbot of the
Temple—almost costs them their lives, although it alerts the grandpa to the
Priest’s evil plot: use the Silver Skull and his own Gold Skull as conduits for
him to drain the lifeforce from the souls of the magicians whose souls he has
captured. Acquiring their abilities, he will become the most powerful sorcerer
in the world!
Of
course, that synopsis glosses over most of the second act, which is mainly a
series of comic interactions between Hsiu Chuen, his two friends, and Senior
Brother, who always bullies them. In one scene that would not fly in the @MeToo
era, Hsiu Chuen casts a love spell over the basket seller that Senior Brother
Chang is smitten with—his own sister-in-law! Once she’s in his embrace,
Hsiu retracts the spell. The basket seller, horrified that Chang Kong is so
closer to her, has him arrested for sexual assault!
That
would be the biggest problem with the film, is that it really doesn’t have an
actual story. There’s a conflict that needs to be resolved in the final half
hour, but most of the movie is made up of magical shenanigans and comic
non-sequiturs. The lack of the story keeps the film from being as memorable as
it should be, since it would be easy to the supernatural hijinks without the
context of a story to place them.
Magic fans will surely get their fill with Kung Fu Wonder Child. The movie opens
with an explosion of flying fabrics, animated qi blasts and pyrotechnics. Riding on the coattails of the popular Mr. Vampire, the three aforementioned Jiangshi show up in the first act,
undoubtedly to attract fans of that film. Beyond that, the film gives us love
spells, heat spells, cold spells, invisibility spells, magic that turns people
into kung fu marionettes and more! At one point, Lin Hsiao-Lan is shrunk to the
height of three inches and has to fight a Facehugger and a giant centipede!
And then
you get to the finale, which is brimming with craziness: our heroes fight a
zombie; a character grows a second head from his forehead; the protagonists
attack the Priest with literal hand cannons and a multi-barrel gun made of
bamboo; and finally, the villain turns into a dragon. Not a dragon
puppet. Not a stop motion dragon. But a 2-D, cel-animated dragon that interacts
with the characters like a low-budget Roger
Rabbit. It’s just plain nuts.
There is
a fair amount of fighting, courtesy of Taiwanese actor Alexander Lo Rei and Li
Hai-Hsing. The best action belongs to Yukari Oshima and her awesome
legwork. Jack Long gets to bust out a few moves, mainly in a later fight
against the Priest’s Wardens. Lin
Hsiao-Lu fights mainly using wire-assisted acrobatics, but the choreography
around them is pretty decent. There are some decent moves on display
during the climax, although the choreographers play down the protagonists’
abilities in order to demonstrate just how powerful the main villain is.
In the end, the film is solid trip into the realm of
weirdness that is Chinese fantasy. Fans of Shaw Brothers classics like Battle Wizard and Boxer’s Omen, or Yuen Woo-Ping’s Miracle Fighters and Drunkard
series, should easily find something to enjoy. Hong Kong neophytes may either
be put off by the “anything goes” attitude, or get sucked into it all. And if you do get sucked into it, be
comforted that Lin Hsiao-Lu made a few more of these films.
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