Shaolin Drunkard (1983)

Shaolin Drunkard (1983)
aka: Miracle Fighters 2; Wu Tang Master
Chinese Title: 天師撞邪
Translation: Heaven Master Hits Evil

Starring: Yuen Cheung-Yan, Yuen Yat-Choh, Yuen Shun-Yee, Brandy Yuen, Eddie Ko Hung, Yeung Hoi-Yi
Director: Yuen Woo-Ping
Action Directors: The Yuen Clan

When Miracle Fighters proved to be a significant box-office success, it was only expected for Yuen Woo-Ping and his four brothers to try to replicate that success with another martial arts/comedy/sorcery film. After all, the genre was still pretty young and there was apparently no end to the crazy ideas that this family could come up with. The end result was Shaolin Drunkard, which actually improves upon its predecessor by keeping its plot, such as it is, tighter than its predecessor while including an extra helping of mind-blowingly creative martial arts (ironically, while Miracle Fighters raked in a nomination for Best Action Design, this movie was passed up, despite it being superior to its predecessor). 

Let me go off on another tangent and comment that the Ground Zero DVD of Shaolin Drunkard is a bit misleading: the screenshots on the front and back covers are not from this film, but from Kung Fu of 8 Drunkards, which is apparently one of the lesser films about drunken fist boxing, despite being directed by genre veteran Wu Ma and starring the likes of Chen Sing and Meng Fei. I have that in my collection waiting to be watched, although I probably won’t get to it until next year.

I shall begin my actual review by citing the synopsis of the film from the back cover of the DVD:

               “Shaolin Drunkard – the first family of Hip Hop proudly presents Hong Kong’s first       family of action The Yuen Clan, in Shaolin Drunkard. Master action director Yuen Woo Ping (The Matrix, Charlie’s Angels, Crouching Tiger/Hidden Dragon, Iron Monkey) directs this epic action adventure. Shaolin Temple is under attack from the Wu Tang sect, and it’s up to the master of the liquor style known as Drunken Boxing to save the day. Watch the dreaded Wu Tang Army and their 9 Rings technique duel it out in the best action out there. Presented in digitally remastered widescreen format and 5.1 Stereo, Shaolin Drunkard is one of the films that inspired the Wu Tang Clan. You’ve seen the rest, now watch the best of the best. The Wu-the Way. The Tang-The Slang!”

Apparently the distributors never overcame their lack of faith in the intelligence of their public. Practically the only thing that is remotely accurate about that plot summary is the mention of the “9 rings technique”, which actually shows up at the film’s climax. Everything else is a bunch of hooey suggesting that Ground Zero assumed that minorities (mostly black people) are stupid and that alone should condemn them to some sort of kung fu hell, probably one where they have to watch Hot Potato and Legend of the Flying Swordsman for all of eternity. Oh, and guys, it was Yuen Cheung-Yan who choreographed Charlie’s Angels, not Yuen Woo-Ping. There’s this site called the Internet Movie Database that’s really helpful if you know how to use it.

It’s a tall order to summarize the plot to this movie, so I’ll just describe the three major plot threads and end the synopsis portion of this review with the words “soon the characters’ paths will cross” or something dreadfully generic like that. Our main protagonist is Taoist Priest (Yuen Cheung-Yan, filling in the role that Leung Kar-Yan had played in Miracle Fighters), a buck-toothed drunk whose job at the Taoist Temple is to be the guardian of the prison chamber of a blood-drinking monster named Evil Magician (Yuen Shun-Yee, Invincible Armor and Drunken Master). 

The Evil Magician, whom we’ll refer to here on out as “Monster”, is eventually loosed by a disciple of his and sets out to acquire the blood of 10 virgin boys born on a certain date in order wield a powerful weapon called the Lunar Sword (which is apparently made from human bones). With the help of his brother, Master Lee (Eddie Ko, Hitman in the Hand of Buddha and Heroes Shed No Tears), Monster schemes to acquire said blood by staging a martial arts/magic competition in which men born on said date may participate in order to win the hand of Lee’s daughter (Yeung Hoi-Yi).

Then there’s Ah Yuen (Yuen Yat-Choh, Legend of a Fighter and Taoism Drunkard), a young martial artist/sorcerer who lives with his grandmother (Brandy Yuen in drag, taking over Yuen Cheung-Yan’s role from the last film). Apparently, their family is under some sort of curse and the only way to break it is for Ah Yuen to get married and have lots of children. So Ah Yuen heads for the city in order to find a bride and before you know it, he’s at the contest for the hand of Lee’s daughter because (and who ever saw this coming) his birthday is exactly the day the Monster needs for his ritual.

Of course, the beauty of this film is in the details and set-pieces that are only tangentially related to the plot itself. I mean where in the plot synopsis can I fit in mention of a showdown between Ah Yuen and a wizard/swindler who uses an acid-spitting snake to give people tumors? Moreover, where in the synopsis could I say that said showdown involves Ah Yuen controlling a paper cut-out in the form of an archer to fire actual arrows at his opponent?

Would you believe me if I told you that Monster is kept in a prison full of fire-breathing dragon statues, traps set off by giant dominoes, and a wheel with punching gloves on it? For the record, if you wanted to keep someone from breaking in, why you put punching gloves on the wheel? Won’t that make your beat-downs a little more cushioned? Why not use those funky little metal hands that are chapped like fists holding pens?

Then there’s Monster himself, who not only has superior kung fu, but whose signature weapon is the aforementioned nine rings technique? The nine rings technique is actually a set of large metal rings that Monster wields like deadly hula hoops. I always found the ring to be a fascinating weapon in Chinese kung fu, ever since I saw it used in films like Last Hero in China and Demon Strike. The idea of a killer hula hoop is one that fascinates me to no end, especially in these movies. However, the nine rings technique is a lot more complex than being just a metal hoop; they can be used to ensnare and trap their foes like a large-scale demented game of puzzle rings. But that’s not all, for Monster has another weapon: the acid-shooting, KUNG FU FROG!!! You have not lived until you’ve seen the Yuen Clan take on an acid-shooting, KUNG FU FROG with the help of a bamboo tank complete with its own orchestra(!).

That said, this movie has two fight ideas that Yuen Woo-Ping would revisit in the next decade. The first is a scene when Yuen Yat-Chor is fighting Eddie Ko and takes a wet cloth and uses it as a lash against Ko. My more seasoned readers will immediately recall the climax of Once Upon a Time in China 2, which which Donnie Yen’s character does the same thing (which helped earn Yuen Woo-Ping his first HK Film Award for Best Action Design).

 The other original idea of Yuen’s that Woo-Ping himself would cannibalize later on is Eddie Ko’s signature technique: he covers his hands with some sparkly powder that causes them to catch on fire(!), after which he performs flaming-hand fu. It’s a neat effect and adds an extra “umph” to the already-solid fight direction. The fire powder would show up 11 years later in the wuxia film Fire Dragon, as one of the ways that Brigitte Lin’s assassin character kills people.

Shaolin Drunkard really has it all: people in crappy monster costumes, people in period dress, magic, violence, kung fu, goofy comedy, memorable set pieces, an acid-shooting KUNG FU FROG, a blood-drinking wizard villain, kung fu weddings, bamboo tanks, “atmospheric” music…the works. It is truly a marvel to behold.