Kunoichi: Lady Ninja (1998)

Kunoichi: Lady Ninja (1998)
Japanese Title: Kunoichi Ninpô-chô Yagyû Gaiden
Translation: Female Ninja Magic Chronicles: Yagyu Side Story

Starring: Yûko Moriyama, Kazuki Takeda, Momoka Saeki, NON, Kaoru Ukawa, Fuyu Ooba, Akiko Sugawara, Hitoshi Ozawa, Ryûshi Mizukami, Ryuji Katagiri, Akaji Maro
Director: Hitoshi Ozawa
Action Director: Yuta Morokaji

Released stateside as Kunoichi: Lady Ninja—which is essentially a Japanese word and its English translation—the 1998 film Kunoichi Ninpô-chô: Yagyû Gaiden is actually an adaptation of a novel written by famed Japanese author Futaro Yamada. Yamada’s books often dealt mixed Japanese history with fantasy themes and have oft been adapted to film, manga, anime and television. For example, The Kouga Ninja Scrolls were adapted into the manga and anime “Basilisk” and the film Shinobi: Heart Under Blade. Or Iga Ninja Scrolls was adapted into Ninja Wars in 1982.

A lot of his novels were adapted into sexy female ninja movies in the 1990s within the Kunoichi Ninpô-chô franchises. Some of them had already been adapted as early as 1964. Kunoichi: Lady Ninja is actually the seventh entry in the franchise, the first of which to star Zeiram alumni Yuko Moriyama. The movie, and its immediate sequel, are both based on the novel Yagyû Ninpô-chô, or “Yagyu Ninja Chronicles,” as they feature the famous samurai, Jubei Yagyu, in the narrative.

At some point during the Edo Period, there is a powerful Daimaiyo ruling over the Aizu prefecture. His name is Akinari Katoh (Ryûshi Mizukami) and he is a one lecherous son of a gun. He has amassed dozens, if not hundreds, of concubines from around the land. The movie opens with his bodyguards, known as the Seven Beasts, storming a convent and slaughtering its inhabitants. The reason is a bit fuzzy, although I figured that the seven nuns who survive, formerly members of the Hori Ninja Clan, had been chosen by Akinari for his lustful pursuits and they took vows in order to escape his clutches. Since the Shogun would never let a Daimyo, no matter how powerful he is, get away with seducing nuns, it’s easier to kill them than to rape them. The seven ninja-turned-nuns are saved at the last second by the arrival of Princess Sen, the former wife (or mother) of the current shogun.

She resolves to train the seven nuns in the arts of ninja magic in order to avenge the murders committed at the convent and punish Akinari for his misdeeds. After their training has ended, they receive some help from outside. That would be the prestigious Buddhist monk Takuwan (Ryuji Katagiri) and the famed one-eyed samurai, Jubei Yagyu (Hitoshi Ozawa)—his father is currently serving the Shogun as the official court instructor. The seven kunoichi are led by Ochie (Yuko Moriyama) and their goal is to wipe out the Seven Beasts one by one before eliminating Akinari Katoh himself.

Now, the problem with the Seven Beasts is that most of them are either expert swordsmen, magicians, or ninja with magical powers. The first one manages to infect one of the kunoichi, Ofue (Momoko Saeki), with a magical curse that will rot her from the inside. There is another one who can remove his eyes and cause them to grow into cycloptic samurai warriors. There is a monkey-like ninja warrior, a pretty boy swordsman, an albino samurai, a hulking fighter who can shoot fireballs, and sadistic, whip-wielding eunuch.

The film’s plot goes back and forth between the ninja girls targeting one of the Seven Beasts, a fight breaking out, one of the girls discovering her ninja powers, and sometimes a tragic death. This goes on for about 100 minutes before the ends. The film does up the stakes—kind of—as it goes into the third act with the introduction of Akinari’s personal priest, Dohaku. Dohaku is not only a powerful magician, but he is virtually indestructible thanks to his sharing a lifeline with his twin brother Tenkai, who is the Head Priest of the entire shogun’s court. His daughter, Oyura, appears to be Akinari’s number one wife, or at least she acts that way…initially.

So, most people who sit down to watch this will note the outlandish “ninja magic” being performed by the female protagonists. Now, when my generation was young, we became accustomed to the idea of ninja magic through Sega’s “Shinobi” games. This movie has stuff like that, albeit frequently with a “sexy twist” to it. In one sequence, the kunoichi Sakura (Akiko Sugawara), goes undercover as a bride—while in Edo, Akinari has his minions kidnap brides so he can [seduce] them—with Yagyu, going undercover as a blind man, as her groom. They both get captured and left inside of a deep pit. Sakura has the idea to let Yagyu deflower her so that she can let her hymen blood charge up Yagyu’s sword and make it shoot fiery phoenix animations(!).

Even more memorable are the ninjas Otori (Fuyu Ôba) and Okei (NON). The first one discovers that she can go into ninja magic mode, miraculously lose her clothing, and shoot concussive bolts of lightning out of her chest. This magic is referred to as the “Nipple Wave.” Okei’s is even weirder, in which she can absorb energy blasts through her “ladyparts” and then spit them back out at whomever she wishes. The movie refers to that move as the “Reverse Echo.” As of today, you can see videos of that one posted all over YouTube.

The rest of the action was staged by first-timer Yuta Morokaji. Morokaji would go on to choreograph a number of video games and some other films, most notably the first Azumi film by Ryuhei Kitamura and the two Battle Royale movies. What is interesting is that Morokaji honestly tries to stage the fight scenes as if he were making an early 1990s wuxia in Hong Kong. There are lots of wire-assisted jumps and moves, quick cuts, and “Qi blasts.” Unlike Chinese cinema, the qi blasts are more than the stuntman extending his hand and causing explosions: the Japanese filmmakers have state-of-the-art optical printers so they can animate the lightning and energy bolts. They also use some composite shots and matte work for some of the people flying, which is very noticeable. If you have seen early 90s wuxia films like The Three Swordsmen and Kung Fu Cult Master, you’ll know what I’m talking about. The action scenes are along the lines of those films, even if the actual martial artistry on display is limited in both quantity and quality. The wuxia works of Tony Ching Siu-Tung were full of wirework and “qi blasts,” but they still had some beautiful moments of balletic martial artistry. That last part is largely missing from here. On the other hand, there are A LOT of blood geysers in the fights here, so that may count for something.

Much like its predecessors, this movie features more than its fair share of female flesh on display. The character of Akinari Katoh is often seen with multiple women in varying states of undress draped over him. At one point, we get to see a prison room full of kidnapped women who appear to have been brainwashed: when Yagyu is thrown in inside, all the women fawn over and paw him…Best. Prison. Sentence. Ever. And there are other moments where women strut around wearing…well…not much of anything. But for fans of Yuko Moriyama—of which I am one—know that she stays modest the entire time.

Kunoichi: Lady Ninja is far from perfect. I’ve seen the Japanese-language version, which features some insane overacting from all the villains. The English dub on the Tokyo Shock DVD is largely considered inferior, not too unlike the Tri-Star dubs of the Heisei Godzilla movies. The pacing is solid, but the story structure can sometimes be repetitive. And things happen that are not always explained, or require a second viewing to make sense of. Like the scene with Oyura being “summoned” by her father in his inner sanctum, which looks like he’s invoking her from hell, sending her back, and then calling her back again. It’s such an odd scene that I had the slightest idea what was actually going on. Although, I suppose that’s the point, given that the entire film is almost one big head-scratcher.

2 Capsule Reviews - The "Yam Can Kill" Series

The Cyprus Tigers (1990) 

Starring: Simon Yam, Conan Lee, Collin Cheung, Phillip Ko Fei, Joey Wong, Robin Shou, Luk Chuen, Winston Ellis, Sophia Crawford
Director: Phillip Ko Fei
Action Director: Luk Chuen (Yasuyoshi Shikamura), 

Released on VHS in the late 1990s as part of the "Yam Can Kill" series--the others being Mission Kill and Killer's Romance (see review below). I've yet to read anything remotely positive about this film, from Asian Cult Cinema to "View from the Brooklyn Bridge". So, I took it as a challenge.

On the island of Cyprus, the local police force employs a trio of Chinese immigrants, who are known on the force as "The Cyprus Tigers." They are: Rick (Simon Yam, of Bullet in the Head and Hitman); Bob (Conan Lee, of Tiger on the Beat and Ninja in the Dragon's Den); and Alan, or "Kid" (Collin Cheung Chi-Tak, of Angel's Mission and Fatal Termination). They are the both the biggest hotshots and goof-offs of the force. The film opens with them foiling a hostage situation by having Bob taking their own police chief hostage and confusing the bad guys.

Anyway, after a few random asides involving a nude beach (lots of bare breasts here) and a gag involving an attempt to get Bob to pay for everyone's expensive dinner (makes sense in context), the film settles down for a story, such as it is. The three are assigned to a case to bust some counterfeiters, who are working for the town's stand-out citizen, Mr. King (Phillip Ko Fei, of The Fearless Dragons and too many low-budget films of the 1990s). They lose the counterfeit plates during the bust, which gets the chief on their back. They try to bust Mr. King's bodyguard (Winston Ellis, of Operation Condor), but that leads to Rick and Bob being held at gunpoint and ordered to undress each other--which leads the bad guys to take the security tape and release it as a bestselling gay porno movie.

Rick and Bob are suspended. Rick goes back to Hong Kong to try to patch things up with his ex-wife, Joey (Joey Wong, of A Chinese Ghost Story and The East is Red). Bob gets in trouble with the law when Mr. King's men murder some tart whom he'd gone home with and frame him for the killing. Mr. King overplays his hand when he sends his girlfriend (Sophia Crawford, of Beauty Investigator and U.S. Seals II) to Hong Kong to (unsuccessfully) eliminate Rick. Rick goes back to Cyprus and convinces his boss to let Bob out in order to bust Mr. King and find evidence of his counterfeiting activities.

Most of the film is very dumb comedy, like watching Conan Lee and Collin Cheung walk around the police station with baseball caps that have a mouth with a tongue on it and one with female breasts sculpted on it, respectively. The bad guys are not intimidating, even when they bring in a pair of supposedly crazy Japanese criminals (action director Luk Chuen and a young Robin Shou) to help his operation. The Japanese characters are depicted as being racist against blacks (i.e. Winston Ellis). Conan Lee's hothead cop is annoying and basically unlikeable. And the subplot involving Joey Wong is more filler than anything else.

Some of this may be forgivable if there was more and better action. The fight choreography was provided by Luk Chuen (aka Yasuyoshi Shikamura, whose action direction credits include A Boxer's Omen and Bamboo House of Dolls). It's actually not all that bad, but the problem is that the fights are all short and tend to end before they even begin. Among the fights, we get: Conan Lee vs. Winston Ellis and a roomful of goons; Robin Shou vs. Winston Ellis; Simon Yam vs. Sophia Crawford; Conan Lee vs. Luk Chuen; Simon Yam vs. Robin Shou; Simon Yam vs. Winston Ellis; Conan Lee vs. Robin Shou; and Simon Yam vs. Phillip Ko. It is pretty clear that Simon Yam is being doubled for much of his fights. His throwdown with Winston Ellis is undercranked (purposely) to the point of absurdity. The final throwdown between Robin Shou and Conan Lee is disappointingly one-sided in favor of the latter.

The film's ending is surprisingly somber given the film's tone overall. But all things considered, this is only for completists of the filmographies of Conan Lee, Simon Yam, or Robin Shou.

Killer's Romance (1990)

Starring: Simon Yam, Joey Wong, Phillip Ko Fei, Luk Chuen, Lau Siu-Ming, Foo Wong-Tat, Ishida Kenichi
Director: Phillip Ko Fei
Action Director: Luk Chuen (Yasuyoshi Shikamura), Wong Coh-Wah

Phillip Ko's low-budget action films--well, mainly Final Run, seemed to do well enough around the turn of the 1980s that he was able to scrounge up enough money to film abroad. One of those was the dire Cyprus Tigers, which wasted a great cast on unfunny comedy and an unlikable lead (Conan Lee). Surprisingly, it did okay at the box office. Then there is this film, the low-budget answer to Clarence Ford and Tsui Hark's Dragon from Russia: a loose adaptation of the popular manga "The Crying Freeman".

The movie opens with Jeffrey (Simon Yam, of Sha Po Lang and Exiled) coming back to London following the murder of his father (Foo Wang-Tat, of A Better Tomorrow III and An Eye for an Eye). His dad was one of the heads of the Yamada Gumi crime syndicate, which means that violent revenge is an acceptable response. According to his dad's top lieutenant, Yoshikawa (Luk Chuen, of City Cops and Ninja Over the Great Wall), his dad was murdered by the Chinatown triads of London, under the command of Ma Tin (Lau Siu-Ming, of Swordsman and A Chinese Ghost Story).

So, Jeffrey goes on a mission of revenge, killing the top three leaders of the gang, including Ma Tin himself. While committing one of the murders, he is witnessed by Paula (Joey Wong, of A Chinese Ghost Story III and An Eternal Combat), a dance student in London who is also an amateur photographer. She manages to photograph Jeffrey and becomes mildly obsessed with him. They (coincidentally) run into each other after another killing, which leads to both the police, represented by a Chinese detective (Siu Yuk-Lung), and the Triads to think that Paula is in cahoots with Jeffrey.

The Triads, now led by Charlie (Phillip Ko Fei, of Eight Diagram Pole Fighter and Shaolin Intruders), show up at Paula's house and a huge gunfight breaks out. Paula is injured and Jeffrey goes into hiding. Meanwhile, we learn that both Charlie and Yoshikawa had Jeffrey's father killed so that he would wipe out Charlie's bosses and the two could rise to the top of their respective gangs. The only loose ends left are Jeffrey and Paula, and sooner or later the latter will lead the bad guys to the former.

I'm admittedly not familiar with the source material for "The Crying Freeman" or its accompanying anime--I've only seen Dragon from Russia and that very well may have been unsubbed, too. That said, I'm not really sure what the similarities are between Killer's Romance and the manga. Perhaps it deals with Japanese assassins and mobsters and a guy is supposed to kill a female witness to his activities, but falls in love with her instead? I'll let more educated people school me on that.

The movie was shot entirely in London--or at least it looks to have been, so I'm guessing that ate up much of the budget and left less money for explosive action sequences. It does feel more like a real movie than a lot of low-budget Phillip Ko opuses (opera?), with a beginning, middle, and end, a greater emphasis on characters, and a decent attempt to add genuine stakes to the action. It is also brutal and unforgiving, even to characters who might normally hold plot armor if Hollywood tried to do the same thing. So, I will applaud attempts to be legitimately dramatic over some of the lulls in story.

Simon Yam plays his character with limited dialog. Not John Wick level of "limited," but there are a lot of scenes where he does more acting with his eyes and facial expressions than with his mouth. Joey Wong is Joey Wong: lovely, adorable, and someone you just want to give a SMOOSHY hug to. And despite the unlikelihood of a normal girl falling for a sociopathic killer, one only need to remember the worldwide popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey to know how popular that sort of thing is. I would say that Phillip Ko often overplays his Charlie character, especially during a scene where he's getting a bullet extracted from him, in a way that takes away from the film's otherwise serious tone.

The action was choreographed by Luk Chuen (Yasuyoshi Shikamura) and Wong Coh-Wah (billed as "Panther Wong"). Much of the action is made up of gunplay, which is fairly well staged. The big shootout at Charlie's house is a definitely highlight, with all the carnage and "shooting guns in the air" that we would expect from a vintage John Woo movie. I'm just surprised that, given the size of the pistols that Simon Yam uses in that scene, he wasn't taking off entire heads and limbs with those babies.

The martial arts are limited to the last 20 minutes or so. There is a nice fight between Simon Yam and some Japanese assassins sent to take him out, led by Ishida Kenichi (Final Run and Drugs Fighters). Ishida is an excellent kicker--he even recreates the jump-over-the-table spinning side kick that Casanova Wong did in Warriors Two--and I wish we could've seen more of him in Hong Kong cinema. The film ends with an extended, two-part sword fight between Jeffrey and his fellow Yamada Gumi members, capped off with very good throwdown (with katana) between Simon Yam and Luk Chuen--this was included in the now-defunct Wasted Life's Top 100 Fight Scenes of All Time. I'm not sure I'd go that far, but it goes a long way to justify the film's earlier pacing issues.

Retreat of the Godfather (1991)

Retreat of the Godfather (1991)
Chinese Title: 大哥讓位
Translation: Big Brother (Godfather) Steps Back

Starring: Lam Wai, Wong Mau-Chow, Ko Chun-Hsiung, Wan Lai-Jing, Dick Wei, Tsai Chia-Hung, Long Shao-Hua, Kam Kong, Wu Ma
Director: Chen Chi-Hwa
Action Director: Wang Yao

A lesser-known Hong Kong triad action film from the Golden Age of Hong Kong Action. It had an entry in Thomas Weisser's Asian Cult Cinema, but he gave it a lukewarm rating that suggested it was a low-grade heroic bloodshed film. Yeah....no. As usual, it's clear that Weisser did not watch it (he said that the main villain was played by Wu Ma) and to dismiss it that way is unfair. Directed by longtime Jackie Chan friend and collaborator Chen Chi-Hwa, the film excels in the action department, even if it suffers from a lack of clear direction with regards to the plot.

Ko Chun-Hsiung (Miracles and Island of Fire) plays Kwan, a crime boss who is trying to move smuggle some antiques out of Hong Kong and into the hands of wealthy clients. One day, a shipment of priceless vases is stolen from two of his enforcers: Andy (Lam Wai, of Project A II and Long Arm of the Law) and Phil (Wong Mau-Chow, of Shaolin Temple Against Lama and Ninja vs. the Shaolin Guards). They find out that the thief is Uncle Siu (Kam Kong, of The Crane Fighters and Against the Drunken Cat's Paws), Kwan's main rival.

Andy and Phil go to see Uncle Siu and he says that he stole the vases as a way to arrange a visit with them so he can try to persuade them to join his side. They refuse, but he gives them the vases back as a sign of good faith. Psych! He gives them forgeries, which puts them on the wrong side of their boss. Anyway, Phil gets shot and they go into hiding. Meanwhile, their mutual friend Chen (Dick Wei, of Millionaire's Express and Paper Marriage) gets out of jail. He initially joins up with his friends, but eventually goes to work as a bouncer for Uncle Siu. He also blows off his girlfriend, Emma (Tsai Chia-Hung, of Dragon Kid and King Swindler), who has become a bar girl-cum-prostitute.

Long story short, Kwan kidnaps Andy's girlfriend, Tina (Wan Lai-Jing), as a way to squeeze him a little into getting the vases back. This reveals that Kwan's lawyer, Tony (Long Shao-Hua), may or may not being planning a coup d'état against Kwan. A lot of people are killed (or commit suicide) and Andy and Phil are forced to go against Siu on their own when Chen is killed and Tina is kidnapped...a second time.

The film is rare enough that I feel justified in a more detailed plot synopsis than usual. The main problem is that the main characters spend much of the middle act hanging around one of their safehouses until the bad guys show up...and then move to a second safehouse (a warehouse). The stolen vases are nothing more than McGuffins and disappear from the narrative for large swaths of the film.

Thankfully, the action comes at frequent and regular intervals. The fight scenes were staged by Wang Yao, one of the first members of the Sing Ga Ban (although he seemed to leave once Jackie set up shop at Golden Harvest). The fighting is standard 1980s-era Hong Kong kickboxing, plus lots of painful falls. The fisticuffs are generally "solid" whenever it's Lam Wai or Wong Mau-Chow performing them, although they jump to "quite good" whenever Dick Wei is onscreen (unsurprisingly). There are about 7 or 8 small fights before the climax.

The finale is where the film really shines. It is a crazy mix of more kickboxing, chopper action, Bullet Ballet, and stuntwork that will make you wince. The characters are in a warehouse full of cardboard boxes and water drums and a huge melee breaks out between Kwan's and Tony's subordinates, with Andy and Phil caught in the middle. Prepare for lots of painful falls, people being thrown from glass, people flying back 10 feet whenever they get shot, and all sorts of mayhem. It's just good action cinema right there. And just to further the Jackie Chan connection, the film ends with the outtakes.