2 Capsule Reviews - Taiwanese oddities

Turbo Dragon (1985)
aka Dragon Gate Fighter; Dragon Rascal -
Director: Ke Cheng-Lin

This obscure oddity is essentially a Brucesploitation comedy made a couple of years after both Dragon Lee and Bruce Le had moved away from the sub-genre. It doesn't really have an actual plot, and about every 20 minutes or so, it becomes a completely different movie in terms of stuff that goes on onscreen.

Lung Tse (Pan Rui-Li, of Kung Fu Emperor and To Catch a Thief) is a talented martial artist who has a hard time landing and keeping a job. When we meet him, he's working as a priest (!?) who officiates weddings. He loses his job after he beats up the groom in order for the bride to run off with her paramour, some borderline idiot fellow. His next job is to work as a janitor for a fat rich guy (Lin Kuang-Chin, of Tiger Love and Deadly Strike). On his first day of work, he rescues the guy's daughter (Fu Chuen, of Chaste Virgin and Madam Yu Ching) from kidnappers. The boss gives him a job as the stuntman on a cheap Brucesploitation flick (with Wei Ping-Ao in the cast, no less). Lung Tse then gets a normal job at the guy's company doing...construction(?)...different things, while he cavorts around with the daughter.

Just as Lung Tse and the daughter are going to elope, the boss shows up with a present for him: a trip to Thailand...because...uh...reasons? I guess it was to give the boss time to think before Lung could run off with his daughter. Anyway, Lung Tse's martial brother is having some problems with the local crime boss, who is pressuring him to take the fall for gambling reasons. After refusing twice to intentionally lose, the brother is beaten up by the gang boss's secret weapon fighter (Chen Te-Wei, of The Idiot Swordsman) in retaliation and the guy, his promotor/girlfriend (Chang Hoi-Lun), her flunkies, and Lung Tse are forced to flee into the jungle and go into hiding. After an interlude involving cannibals, Lung Tse takes on the boss's hyper-muscular fighter as a means of shoring up accounts.

As I said, Turbo Dragon doesn't really have a story. It doesn't really have an ending, either. Stuff just happens until the main opponent is defeated, at which point the film simply just stops. And the movie just jumps around from genre to another: it stars as a modern action-comedy; becomes a send-up of Brucesploitation; a sappy romance; then something about corrupt ring fights; then jungle adventure; and the last reel becomes borderline science fiction as it's revealed that the Thai crime boss has a supercomputer that he uses to train his secret weapon fighter, not too unlike the apparatus that Eric Roberts uses in DOA: Dead or Alive--the subtitles disappear when they're explaining device, but it looks like it analyzes the opponents moves and it's implied that it downloads information into the person's brain during the fight...I think.

There is some fighting here and there. Pan Rui-Li is in Bruce Lee imitator mode in his fights, although he's not as fast or crisp as the real thing. The fight on the movie set is basically a recreation of the earlier fights from Way of the Dragon (the entire movie looks like a remake of that film). The Muay Thai fights are played more or less realistically, as is the case of these films. There is a fight between Lung Tse and the top warrior of the cannibal tribe that involves them chained to each other--how do Stone Age tribes have metal chains--and wailing on each with iron axes and rattan shields. And the final fight feels like a combination of traditional shapes and more modern sensibilities. The fighting on the whole is okay, but the movie is so nonsensical that it's hard to enjoy.

Evil Hits Evil (1983/1985) 
Director: Nam Ki-nam, Lucifer Lai

At first I wondered if this was a cash-in on Mr. Vampire from that same year, but the release date is early enough in the year that I think it was more of a belated cash-in on the likes of Kung Fu Zombie or Encounter of the Spooky Kind. It is also not very good, with its notability mainly being that it was Doris Lung's last role (ignoring cut n' splice films that reused footage from her movies).

The movie opens with the slaughter of Chen Fu (Kwon Yung-moon) and his family by a group of killers working for the evil Mr. Hung (Chan Sing). Mr. Hung is the richest man in the village and has no problem torturing and murdering anyone who displeases him, which was Chen Fu's downfall: Chen Fu was a groundskeeper at Mr. Hung's house and was guilty of ollygagging so he could listen to Hung's daughter (Doris Lung Jun-Ehr) playing the lute. That barbarian.

Some months later, the ghost of Chen Fu possesses the body of Lee Yao (Alan Liu), a woodcutter in Mr. Hung's employ. Meanwhile, Mr. Hung starts getting haunted by ravens. And the local night watchman has visions of ghosts. And some random passerby gets in a fight with a pair of nunchaku-wielding numbskull bandits who take orders from their pet dog. And Mr. Hung randomly tortures a couple to death. And a Taoist Priest (Robert Tai), tries to exorcise the ghost from Lee Yao. And when that doesn't work, they have a sorcerer's battle. And Lee Yao starts killing off the killers who murdered Chen Fu.

If you look at that last paragraph, you'll notice that it feels a little random. That is exactly how this movie feels: random. It never feels like it settles on a main character or plot line. It just jumps back and forth between different characters until the climax. Heck, the film kills off some of the main characters right before the climax, one of whom I thought was the viewpoint character. I thought Robert Tai's Taoist priest was going to be important, but he dies about halfway through and is replaced with some random female Exorcist and a pair of charlatan priests whom the film spends way too much time with. And I still don't know what was up with the passerby and the bandits: he disappears from the narrative, only to show up as a ghost at the end.

There is nothing to really be gained from it. The action choreography was supplied by Peng Gang of Shaolin vs. Lama fame, but this is definitely his weakest work. Kwon Yung-moon throws a few kicks here and there, including a scene where he kicks a monk's head off. But the rest of the fighting is not lit very well (typical Taiwanese movie problem) and just not very interesting. And most of the climax is Doris Lung getting ghost raped, The Entity style. That is NOT a fitting end to the career of one of the major kung fu divas. 

3 Capsule Reviews - Non cut-and-splice IFD films

Raiders of the Doomed Kingdom (1983)
aka: Cobra Man (or แหกนรกเวียดนาม)
Director: Toranong Srichua

A more-or-less straight-forward Vietnam War action-adventure made in Thailand, but later picked up by IFD films for international distribution. And although the usual practice of inserting the familiar names (Godfrey Ho, etc.) into the opening credits, the actual film more or less remained untouched.

Popular Thai actor Sorapong Chatri plays Cobra, a Thai soldier working for the American forces in Vietnam. The film opens as the South Vietnamese--those that supported the Viet Cong--are about to storm the American embassy during the Fall of Saigon. Cobra is given the opportunity to flee along with the American diplomats, but he stays behind because he has been given a mission: rescue a South Vietnamese general, Chu (Peter Ramwa), and smuggle him (or his body) into Thailand. He gets together his commando group to rescue Chu, who has already been captured, and move him. The commando team eventually finds themselves on an island serving as a Leper's Colony, where they have to make a stand against the Viet Cong.

The film starts off as a pretty standard wartime action movie. There is a gun battle at the prison camp. Another gun battle on a bridge--where our heroes ruthlessly mow down female Viet Cong members, although one of them happens to be the General's daughter (Suriwan Suriyong) in disguise. One member of the team stays behind to keep the Viet Cong busy while the others escape alongside thousands of Boat People (whom are fired upon by the Viet Cong). Once they reach the Leper's Island, the commandos start succumbing to battle fatigue while the some of the refugees they picked up start thinking about turning in Cobra and his men in exchange for their lives. Things get graphic is the last half hour, as the Viet Cong murders and butchers the lepers and individual members of the commando squad.

I didn't think the film was bad, it was decent overall. Nonetheless, a remastered version would probably make it easier to enjoy. The film is notable for a random, lengthy, and graphic scene of cunnilingus that pops up out of nowhere while Cobra is wandering the streets of a fallen Saigon. As the version uploaded to Youtube is taken from a Japanese VHS, the full frontal shots (of which there are many) are all pixelated. A second, Thai-language version is uploaded to Youtube if you search for the Thai title. That version just cuts out the sequence entirely.


Commando Fury (Taiwan, 1983)
aka: Training Camp; Women Prison 1991

An IFD release of a Taiwanese WiP (Women in Prison) film that is surprisingly brutal, but without the rampant nudity and lesbianism that defines its European counterparts. The film is set in...I don't know...in the year...I don't know. I mean, one of the guards walks around in a U.S. Air Force outfit, so I'm guessing they did the typical Taiwanese thing of using whatever costumes they could cobble together. As for the location...I guess it's set in generic Asia-land.

The film is about a bunch of women who are in a prison and are routinely brutalized by the guards and the vicious warden (Richard Cui, billed as "Bernard Tsui"). The first 50 minutes revolve around the women being tortured, whipped, murdered, burned at the stake (!), stabbed, shot, worked to death, etc. In one scene, two women are forced into small cages and have iron bars stuck in said cages to force them into a compromising position and stay there for 24 hours. After that, the same women are loosed and made to fight for their food. Eventually, an inmate named Terry Yu (Juliet Chen) and the prison Queen Bee (Chiang Ching-Yen) team up to lead a breakout. Several of the girls go with them, including a political prisoner named Donna (Nancy Wen) who is supposedly in possession of some McGuffin microfilm. They flee into the jungle and are hunted by the guards, including a sadistic female guard named Helen (Liu Chia-Fen).

The entire film is just one long parade of violence against women and general brutality. And until we get to the scenes leading up the breakout, we never really know who the main character is. It turns out to be Terry Yu, who was hired by some mercenary to free Donna from the warden's custody. The last 25 minutes has some hand-to-hand combat and gunplay, ending with a huge betrayal and some major character sacrifices. Whether or not it is cathartic enough to make up for the other hour of general unpleasantness is up to you.


Pink Force Warriors (1985)
aka Women Warriors of Kinmen
Director: Karen Yang

Taiwanese army propaganda film about a contingent of female soldiers being trained in a fishing community off the coast of Taiwan--the English dub (courtesy of IFD Films) makes it clear that they are not on the island of Taiwan. The film focuses on four characters: Mary (Lu Hsiao-Fen, of Black Rose: The Hong Kong Tigress), the serious one whose fisherman father disapproves of her relationship with a frogman (Don Wong Tao, of Secret Rivals); Susan (Shirley Lui, of Devil Fetus), who wants to date the captain of the male platoon, but is stopped by her asshole, overprotective brother; Angela (Ying Hsiao, of Girl with a Gun), the goof-off who is hit on by a daddy's boy rich kid soldier named Peter (Wong Fook-Sat); and Captain Joy (Teresa Tsui, of Pink Force Commando), the hard-as-nails squad leader.

Most of the movie is soap opera revolving around the girls' relationships. Early in the second half, Mary's father is murdered by Chinese spies, causing her to go crazy about finding and killing "Communists." She eventually confronts a pair of Mainland frogman spies and fights them. At the end, there are some war games and Susan and Angela finally take their jobs seriously. The fighting is limited to a couple of friendly scuffles between Lu Hsiao-Fen and Wong Tao, who teaches her how to knife fight. Then she gets to fight the frogmen, ending in a tragic sacrifice. The action is a mixture of Judo and knife-fighting, but nothing special here. Everything else is annoying soap opera and melodrama, plus some mock battles in the last 15 minutes.

2 Capsule Reviews - Cut-and-Paste Ninja Films

Cobra Against Ninja (1987)
Aka: Cobra vs. Ninja
Original Footage: I Came From Nakhon City (ข้ามาจากเมืองนคร)
D: Joseph Lai. Richard Harrison, Stuart Smith, Alan Friss, Paul Branney, Gary Carter, Alfred Pears, Jimmy Bosco, Krung Srivilai, Debra Patan, Alban Raman.

Ugh. Cobra Against Ninja has nothing to do with the Snake Style of martial arts, or even the Sylvester Stallone movie Cobra from the same period. The source material is a 1978 Thai movie called I Came from Nakhon City, starring Thai star Krung Srivilai. I wasn’t able to really ascertain what the source material was supposed to be about based on the footage we see here and the dub it has been given.

There are four Thai soldiers who have been serving at the border (of which country, we never learn). When their time is up, they all go their separate ways. One of them, Kirk, goes to work for a crime gang led by Ringo and his younger brother, Raymond. There is a third boss named Russell. Although they do petty extortion and loan sharking, their main bread-and-butter is sports betting, especially (according to the dub) on ninja duels.

These days, the big name in the ninja duel business is the Gordon, the Red Champion (Robert Harrison). A rival ninja, Cobra (Stuart Smith), wants to defeat Gordon, but has been betting on him against other ninjas in order to up the stakes. Why? So that when he himself challenges Gordon, the odds will be such that if he bets on himself, he’ll be impossibly rich if he wins.

Anyway, another one of the soldiers, Chester (Krung Srivilai), is accused by the gang of stealing a briefcase with important information. Raymond sends some hired goons to fetch the briefcase, but they end up killing Chester’s mother and kidnapping his sister. And another one of the soldiers, David, is working as a cop and gets captured and imprisoned after trying to seduce one of Ringo’s two girlfriends—watch the spectacle of a Thai girl dubbed to sound like she’s from New Jersey. Eventually, the four soldier friends team up to blow up the bad guys while Gordon and Cobra duel in the background.

The success of a Cut-and-Paste film like this can be measured by:

1.      How good are the fights from the original film?
2.      Is the plot of the finished product coherent?
3.      Can you figure out the plot of the original film based on the dub?
4.      Are the ninja scenes delightfully goofy?

The answer to the first three questions is a resounding “No.” I had a very hard time trying to figure out what the story was (both the original film and the finished product), who was who, and just trying to make sense of what was happening in front of me. The entire film is completely nonsensical and the fight scenes are uncoordinated brawls. The added ninja scenes are funny in that they generally involve traditional Chinese weapons—spear, nine-ringed broadsword, hook swords, rattan shields—plus Timothy Alberto’s man-perm is hilarious. I also like how the dubbing refers to Richard Harrison’s opponents as Green Serpent, White Dolphin, and Purple Hawk, but they’re all clad in black. So, there is nothing to recommend Cobra Against Ninja.

Silver Dragon Ninja (1987)
Original Footage: Trap (aka: Cop Killer)
D: Chiang Tao (credited as Don Kong). Paulo Tocha, Pedro Ernyes, Eric Neff, Suen Kwok-Ming, Lau Hok-Nin, Pai Ying, Kenneth Tsang Kong.

In the case of Silver Dragon Ninja, the source material hails from a lesser-known Hong Kong crime thriller titled Trap (later retitled Cop Killer), starring Dragon Inn and A Touch of Zen alumni Pai Ying. The film involves a team of cops, initially led by Alex (Pai Ying), who are trying to bring down a crime boss, Mark Moh (Kenneth Tsang). Mark is initially involved in passport falsification, although he plans on adding arms dealing into his portfolio. When some of his men are busted by the police, he sends his enforcer, Turkey (Lau Hok-Nin), to kill them before they can testify. This leads to a brutal campaign by Alex against Mark, which ultimately leads to him turning in his badge after getting chewed out too much by his superior. The case is handed over to one of Alex’s academy buddies (Wong Yuen-San), who sends a female cop, Jane, to go undercover as Mark’s girlfriend.

Meanwhile, Mark’s goons continue to harass Alex, even though he’s off the force. This leads to an escalation into violence between Alex and Mark’s men, which quickly gets out of hand once the bad guys start targeting Alex’s family, too. This leads Alex to lead a one-man vigilante campaign against the gang While Jane is in Manila discovering just who else in involved in Mark’s dealings. 

Tomas Tang and director Chiang Tao—who worked with both Filmark and IFD after his tenure at the Shaw Brothers—insert new scenes involving ninjas in a manner similar to the films above. In this case, a pair of Interpol agents—Silver Dragon (Paulo Tocha) and Fred (Nigerian martial artist Eric Neff)—are also white ninjas who are bent on stopping the Black Ninja Empire from taking over the world. The Black Ninjas are led by Roger Kimsky (Pedro Ernyes), who also presides over Mark Moh’s gang (as per the dubbing). So, his ninja are always in the background, “observing” the events of the other movie. Eventually, the two white ninjas have to face off with the black ninjas after they “kill” an important character from the other movie. 

Silver Dragon Ninja has the same median quality as [most of these movies]. There are no real differences, aesthetically or stylistically, between this and the IFD films, except maybe that the ninjas here are less “colorful” than their IFD counterparts. The ninja choreography is of the same standard, considering that Chiang Tao lent his services to both studios. The source film appears to be a decent, if unremarkable police thriller, with some shocking and brutal moments in the second half. It does feel like two different movies—three if you count the ninja footage—as it jumps back and forth between Alex’s scuffles with the gang and Jane’s undercover work as the bad guy’s main squeeze. And I’m still trying to make sense of the kangaroo court scene at the end…