Retreat of the Godfather (1991)

Retreat of the Godfather (1991)
Chinese Title: 大哥讓位
Translation: Big Brother (Godfather) Steps Back

Starring: Lam Wai, Wong Mau-Chow, Ko Chun-Hsiung, Wan Lai-Jing, Dick Wei, Tsai Chia-Hung, Long Shao-Hua, Kam Kong, Wu Ma
Director: Chen Chi-Hwa
Action Director: Wang Yao

A lesser-known Hong Kong triad action film from the Golden Age of Hong Kong Action. It had an entry in Thomas Weisser's Asian Cult Cinema, but he gave it a lukewarm rating that suggested it was a low-grade heroic bloodshed film. Yeah....no. As usual, it's clear that Weisser did not watch it (he said that the main villain was played by Wu Ma) and to dismiss it that way is unfair. Directed by longtime Jackie Chan friend and collaborator Chen Chi-Hwa, the film excels in the action department, even if it suffers from a lack of clear direction with regards to the plot.

Ko Chun-Hsiung (Miracles and Island of Fire) plays Kwan, a crime boss who is trying to move smuggle some antiques out of Hong Kong and into the hands of wealthy clients. One day, a shipment of priceless vases is stolen from two of his enforcers: Andy (Lam Wai, of Project A II and Long Arm of the Law) and Phil (Wong Mau-Chow, of Shaolin Temple Against Lama and Ninja vs. the Shaolin Guards). They find out that the thief is Uncle Siu (Kam Kong, of The Crane Fighters and Against the Drunken Cat's Paws), Kwan's main rival.

Andy and Phil go to see Uncle Siu and he says that he stole the vases as a way to arrange a visit with them so he can try to persuade them to join his side. They refuse, but he gives them the vases back as a sign of good faith. Psych! He gives them forgeries, which puts them on the wrong side of their boss. Anyway, Phil gets shot and they go into hiding. Meanwhile, their mutual friend Chen (Dick Wei, of Millionaire's Express and Paper Marriage) gets out of jail. He initially joins up with his friends, but eventually goes to work as a bouncer for Uncle Siu. He also blows off his girlfriend, Emma (Tsai Chia-Hung, of Dragon Kid and King Swindler), who has become a bar girl-cum-prostitute.

Long story short, Kwan kidnaps Andy's girlfriend, Tina (Wan Lai-Jing), as a way to squeeze him a little into getting the vases back. This reveals that Kwan's lawyer, Tony (Long Shao-Hua), may or may not being planning a coup d'état against Kwan. A lot of people are killed (or commit suicide) and Andy and Phil are forced to go against Siu on their own when Chen is killed and Tina is kidnapped...a second time.

The film is rare enough that I feel justified in a more detailed plot synopsis than usual. The main problem is that the main characters spend much of the middle act hanging around one of their safehouses until the bad guys show up...and then move to a second safehouse (a warehouse). The stolen vases are nothing more than McGuffins and disappear from the narrative for large swaths of the film.

Thankfully, the action comes at frequent and regular intervals. The fight scenes were staged by Wang Yao, one of the first members of the Sing Ga Ban (although he seemed to leave once Jackie set up shop at Golden Harvest). The fighting is standard 1980s-era Hong Kong kickboxing, plus lots of painful falls. The fisticuffs are generally "solid" whenever it's Lam Wai or Wong Mau-Chow performing them, although they jump to "quite good" whenever Dick Wei is onscreen (unsurprisingly). There are about 7 or 8 small fights before the climax.

The finale is where the film really shines. It is a crazy mix of more kickboxing, chopper action, Bullet Ballet, and stuntwork that will make you wince. The characters are in a warehouse full of cardboard boxes and water drums and a huge melee breaks out between Kwan's and Tony's subordinates, with Andy and Phil caught in the middle. Prepare for lots of painful falls, people being thrown from glass, people flying back 10 feet whenever they get shot, and all sorts of mayhem. It's just good action cinema right there. And just to further the Jackie Chan connection, the film ends with the outtakes.

Zeiram 2 (1994)

Zeiram 2 (1994)

Starring: Yuko Moriyama, Yukijiro Hotaru, Kunihiro Ida, Sabu, Kazuhiko Inoue (voice), Mizuho Yoshida
Director: Keita Amemiya
Special FX Director: Hiroshi Kidokoro
Action Director: Akira Ohashi, Mitsuo Abe

Zeiram 2 is an interesting sequel in that it tries to take some of lore created in the (superior) anime Iria: Zeiram the Animation and insert it into the context of the live-action films. It is only partially successful, thanks to the fact that Iria’s long-time rival Fujikuro (actor-director Sabu, who was in Don’t Look Up and Shinjuku Triad Society) has gone from a seasoned veteran trying to exploit Iria’s lack of experience to an annoying punk. But it does have flying umbrellas!

The film is set a few years after the events of the first film. Kamiya (a returning Yukijiro Hotaru) is trying to patch things up with his estranged wife. Teppei is about to marry his long-time girlfriend. And Iria is back on Earth with Bob (Kazuhiko Inoue) and Fujikuro in order to intercept a valuable teleportation device called the Karmelite from a band of space mercenaries. While that particular mission goes off without a hitch, the trouble begins when Iria is given a second, complementary mission.

The Intergalactic Bounty Hunters Union has recently built a new battle robot from the remains of Zeiram, the indestructible alien whom Iria had faced off with a few years earlier. Normally, that would be a very bad idea…wait for it. In any case, Iria supposed to have a duel of sorts with the robot to test its capabilities against a superior target (as opposed to robots and remote-controlled tanks). When Iria shows up in the outskirts of Tokyo to meet it, she is met by even more galactic ruffians. Zeiram does show up and, as per its programming, will not let the interstellar brigands harm her, so it switches into Turbo Mode and slaughters the lot.

The robot is initially not supposed to engage with Iria until a) she gives it orders to and b) they are isolated in a Zone (a pocket dimension meant for doing interplanetary dirty work without alarming the locals). This is where things get complicated. Iria and Bob are betrayed by Fujikuro, who wants to sell the Karmelite on the black market and retire early. To this end, he disables Bob’s hardware and kidnaps Teppei, who had coincidentally caught a glimpse of Iria earlier. So, while Iria is trying to rescue Teppei, she is not around to stop the last surviving star thug from spitting blood all over the Zeiram robot, awakening the little head that was built into it…really people?

This is the equivalent of setting a Krusty doll on “Evil” and Zeiram starts the “exercise,” creating a Zone and trapping itself, Iria, Fujikuro, and Teppei inside. Meanwhile, Kamiya has found his way to the abandoned building that Iria is working out of and fixes Bob and the teleporter. Get ready for more action in the vein of the first film.

The main problem with Zeiram 2 is that after the initial set-up (which probably takes longer than the first movie), it becomes a clone of its predecessor. It’s the same beats: Iria fights with Zeiram and wins; something happens for Zeiram to be revived; Iria is separated from the heroes for an extended period (she doesn’t even interact with them directly until the end); and then there is a final battle set to the Zone slowly deleting itself. Other than the monster designs—and we don’t get any stop-motion this time around (boo!)—there isn’t much to distinguish this from the first movie.

That said, one thing that director Keita Amemiya does well is suspense. There are several situations in which the protagonists find themselves fighting against impossible odds, like when Teppei is tied up with his foot on a landmine while Iria is trapped in a trash compactor room while holding onto a wasp-shaped missile (!) that is trying to fly toward Teppei. Or the climax, where Iria is engaging in a pitched martial arts battle with Zeiram at the top of a Kanon Statue as it “dissolves” from the ground up while the heroes scramble for the Karmelite. And the final scene will have even mildly-invested viewers at the edge of their seat…

The action is pretty good by Japanese standards, although it might pale in comparison to its Hong Kong cousins. The martial arts definitely have the feel of a Super Sentai series (or similar Tokusatsu show), although watching them performed by a GORGEOUS Japanese actress (and her stunt double) makes it more interesting then some Metal Hero. The rest of the action involves LOTS of gunplay and explosions. I enjoy the climax, which starts out as a sword fight, then becomes an aerial dogfight involving a winged Zeiram and Iria on a flying umbrella, and then becomes a martial arts fight, followed by ripping off the end of The Terminator.

The film is filled with early 1990s CGI (not great), miniature explosions, and your standard Japanese suitmation. I like the redesign for Zeiram. What I don’t like is the dog monster it creates—both the suit and the way the monster is created. Anyway, there’s enough fun action to keep most viewers entertained, plus Yuko Moriyama is always easy on the eyes. I just wish the film tried to set itself apart more form its predecessor.

The Seventh Curse (1986)

The Seventh Curse (1986)
Chinese Title: 原振俠與衛斯理
Translation: Yuen Zan-Hap and Wisely

Starring: Chin Siu-Ho, Maggie Cheung, Dick Wei, Chui Sau-Lai, Elvis Tsui Kam-Kong, Chow Yun-Fat, Sibelle Hu Hui-Chung, Ni Kuang, Chor Yuen, Yasuaki Kurata, Wong Jing
Director: Lam Nai-Choi
Action Director: Yuen Bun

This is one of those films that could only be made in Hong Kong. It is a bizarre mixture of occult horror, gross-out graphic violence, and 80s Hong Kong action beats, with a helping of (dumb) comedy and nudity for good measure. I learned of it from Asian Cult Cinema, but never made any effort to find it because the book’s description made it sound like a nauseating gorefest. It is that, sorta, although the film moves at such a fast clip that it never stops to dwell on the gore.

The film opens at a party attended by a pair of adventurers—Yuen Zan-Hap (Chin Siu-Ho, of Fist of Legend and Masked Avengers) and Wisely (Chow Yun-Fat, of A Better Tomorrow 2 and Hard Boiled)—and a famous author (legendary screenwriter Ni Kuang). The movie suddenly cuts to a hostage situation somewhere else in town, where the police (led by Yasuaki Kurata in a non-fighting role) enlist the assistance of Yuen to play a fake doctor (he is a doctor of something) and attend to a hostage who has just had a heart attack. Although a policewoman (Kara Hui in a cameo) is supposed to accompany him dressed as a nurse, she gets knocked out by a reporter, Tsui Hung (Maggie Cheung, Police Story and The Heroic Trio), who dons her clothing. Once inside, things go south, but Yuen manages to detonate a flash bomb, which allows the SWAT team to storm the place.

What does this have to do with the rest of the movie? Nothing, other than introduce Chin Siu-Ho’s and Maggie Cheung’s characters.

Back at home, Yuen is about to engage in sexy time with his girlfriend (Fairlie Ruth Kordick, of In the Line of Duty IV and Live Hard) when he is assaulted from behind by a mysterious man named Black Dragon (Dick Wei). After a scuffle involving kickboxing and broken furniture—standard 80s action fare—Black Dragon informs Yuen that his Blood Curse has been activated and that he needs to go to Thailand before it kills him. He also warns Yuen to abstain from sex, but Yuen ignores him and suffers a ruptured blood vessel in his leg as a result.

Yuen goes to see Wisely and tells him the story of how he got cursed. A year before, Yuen was a medical trip to the boonies of Thailand. While walking around and taking in scenery, he came across a bathing beauty, “Betsy” (Tsui Sau-Lai, of Killer’s Nocturne and The Last Blood), who is a princess of the Worm Tribe. Later on, he and the other adventurers come across a ritual of the Worm Tribe in which a man and a woman are chosen to be sacrificed to the “Old Ancestor,” a reanimated skeleton monster. Yuen saves Betsy from the monster, although the evil sorcerer Aquala (Elvis Tsui Kam-Kong, of Butterfly and Sword and Girls Unbuttoned) has his flunkies kill the entire team, including the leader (Ken Boyle), by pouring a potion on him and causing him to explode into a mess of maggots. Betsy and Yuen are cursed with the Blood Curse, but Betsy prolongs the latter’s life by cutting her tits open and giving him a parasite to swallow…TF???

Back to the present, Wisely tells Yuen to do back to Thailand and find the Black Dragon. Yuen goes there and is followed by Tsui Hung, who is rich enough to hire a team of mercenaries to go with them into the jungles of Thailand. They eventually meet up with Wisely and his mercenaries. And then things get weird.

The Seventh Curse is not very scary per se, but it is graphic and full of slimy monsters and horrible deaths. The film moves at a mile a minute and crams A LOT of material into a scant 83-minute run time. The breathless pacing means that some over-the-top death scenes that many cameramen would spend time leering at are treated in almost an offhand manner, because there is more madness to portray. Then again, this is the sort of movie that has the balls to place actually children under a two-ton stone grinder (even Western horror movies are loathe to kill of children characters).

The monsters include the Little Ghost, a fetus-like monster that can burrow into a victim’s body and pop out of the stomach; the Old Ancestor, which is a well-designed skeleton rod puppet; and the second form of the Old Ancestor, which looks like the winged version of the Xenomorph that got its own toy, but never actually showed up in the movies(!!!).

There are a handful of fight scenes, choreographed by Seven Fortune Yuen Bun, best known for his numerous Tsui Hark collaborations. The choreography itself is pretty standard 80s kickboxing, of the sort you’d find in a Sammo Hung or Corey Yuen movie of the same period. Chin Siu-Ho and Dick Wei are great martial artists and get a decent showcase for their talents—and this is a rare good guy role for Dick. During the opening hostage sequence, Chin Siu-Ho gets to trade blows with Johnny Wang Lung-Wei, who plays the head of the terrorists. Then Dick and Chin get to throwdown, with people getting thrown through tables in the most painful looking ways possible. Near the end, both men have to fight a bunch of Thai monks atop of a giant Buddha statue, which ends on a visual cribbed from Raiders of the Lost Ark.

People expecting Chow Yun-Fat to do a lot in this movie will be disappointed. His Wisely character (also the subject of The Legend of Wisely and The Cat) is mainly a glorified cameo, showing up early on and whenever black magic exposition is needed. Nonetheless, most people who stumble across The Seventh Curse will never forget the finale, where Chow Yun-Fat shows up out of nowhere in order to blow up a Xenomorph-esque demon with a rocket launcher. That sort of randomness is just the perfect way to end an equally random movie.