Kung Fu Kids V: Adventure of the Kung Fu Kids (1988)

Kung Fu Kids V: Adventure of the Kung Fu Kids (1988)
aka Kung Fu Kids 5: Winner Takes All
Chinese Translation: 好小子5－萬能運動員
Translation: Good Boys 5: All-Around Athletes

 

Starring: Yan Tseng-Kuo, Tso Hsiao-Hu, Chen Chung-Jung, Hu Gua, Peng Chia-chia, Ni Min-Yan, Lam Kwong-Chun
Director: Chou Tang, Lam Man-Cheung
Action Directors: Lam Man-Cheung, Lau Hon-Hing

One thing about the Kung Fu Kids outings is that they never really repeat themselves. Part three was a Republic-era melodrama. Part four was action-comedy tomfoolery about time travel and lasers. Part five takes us back to the Republic era, but becomes something akin to the 2008 film The Champions, but rather what it’d be like had Wong Jing directed in the late 80s/early 90s. This is one of the crassest kids films I’ve ever seen, although darned if I didn’t laugh out loud a few times.

We open with a brief history of China, starting with the Boxer Rebellion (featuring a guy in drag as the Empress Dowager) and leading up the Republic Era and Chinese civil war, when warlords mercilessly slaughtered common folk in bids for power. One such warlord, Commander Su, is trying to finagle a loan from the foreign powers, but they’re reluctant because Chinese are weak people, or so they say. So, Commander Su strikes a deal with them saying that if he can beat the foreigners in a Western-style Olympic games, they’ll give him the loan he wants.

So, what about the most powerful people in China. Names like Big Blade Wang Wu (from Iron Bodyguard and Blade of Fury) and Swallow Li (Yuen Biao’s character from Hero of Swallow) are dropped, but are unavailable. So, Commander Su sends his men to round up the best athletes they can find. That includes a fat guy and his little friend (Chen Chung-Jung), a young pork vendor (Yan Tseng-Kuo), a petty thief (Tso Hsiao-Hu), all the local prostitutes (“You’re good on your backs, so we’ll make you good on your feet!”), and some other yahoos, too. They are to be trained by the first Chinese man to receive a diploma in Physical Education: Amadeus, International Director of Sports (put the first letters together…).

The movie is a constant barrage of jokes and sight gags, many of which you could never put in a children’s film in the States. Some gags are familiar and family friendly, like the hug-and-kiss joke from Drunken Master and the spaghetti gag from Project A, which are recycled here. But then you have a prostitute who is constantly accused of being a man because of her flat chest, a newly-created Eunuch who keeps his severed (and miniscule) testicles in a box that he keeps on his person, one contestant who’s gay, and lots of other things. Amadeus tries to teach gymnastics to the prostitutes, lying on the ground and using his hands like the handles of the pommel horse—but he just wants a nice view of their crotch.

My favorite joke is during the competition, when Tso Hsiao-Hu participates in the javelin throw. While the judge is still measuring the distance of the European contestant’s javelin, Tso hurls his. The javelin strikes the judge in the chest, who staggers back and finally collapses at a distance further than the European guy. Tso wins the event!

There are a handful of fight scenes in this. The best one is a fight early on between Yan Tseng-Kuo and a local extortion gang. It starts out almost as an old school shapes fight, but quickly becomes more of a modern 80s fight, full of acrobatics, painful falls through anything that can break, great kicks, and even some basic pole fighting from our hero. He even does the meat cleaver bit from Drunken Master during the fight. Tso Hsiao-Hu is introduced in a scene where he tries to rob a Peking Opera, and ends up on stage in full makeup and regalia. He gets into a kerfuffle with three performers armed with spears, whom he fends off with a broadsword. It starts off as a traditional Peking Opera performance, but gradually turns into an acrobatic kung fu stand-off, with some nice weapons choreography that recalls The Fearless Hyena and Snake and Crane Arts of Shaolin.

The climax is a big race, but preceding it is a food fight like in Project A. Of course, it escalates into a huge brawl, complete with people breaking chairs over their opponents, people falling on chairs and tables, and people getting bottles broken over their heads. Both Yan and Tso do all sorts of crazy acrobatics and kicking during the fight, and despite being children, take a few licks as well. And I mean that they fall through furniture in painful-looking ways, too. And the filmmakers even find ways to throw in erection jokes with people getting jabbed in the head with logs (don’t ask) for good measure.

 Despite being a Kung Fu Kids film, it’s really an ensemble comedy. The kids do participate in the competition and generally win in their respective events, and are the most talented fighters, too. But there’s so much more going on than just their stories. It’s screwy, it’s vulgar and it’s crass, but I admit it was kind of fun to watch, too.