Kung Fu Kids (1986)

Kung Fu Kids (1986)
aka: Young Dragons: Kung Fu Kids
Chinese Title: 好小子
Translation: Good Boys

 

Starring: Yan Tseng-Kuo, Tso Hsiao-Hu, Chen Chung-Jung, Chen Hui-Lou, Tan Ai-Chen, Wang Te-Sheng, Yang Hsiung, Eugene Thomas
Director: Kevin Chu Yen-Ping, Chang Mei-Chung
Action Director: Lam Man-Cheung

 

I'd really like to know the in's and out's of Taiwanese cinema after the demise of the traditional kung fu/wuxia film. From the late 60s up through the early 80s, Taiwanese studios were just as prolific as their HK counterparts in producing swashbuckling wuxia pian, Shaolin-centered adventures, bashers, kung fu comedies, and the like. And then, as the kung fu movie became an anachronism in Hong Kong, whose audiences were taking to modern-day action comedies, Taiwan took a different path (it would seem). They designated Alexander Lo Rei and Robert Tai to be their representatives in the Ninja Craze that started in the West with the success of The Octagon and Enter the Ninja. Hardly a year went buy in which we didn't get a film or two in which Lo Rei was putting on black pajamas and swinging a katana at his enemies, usually ninja themselves. In the second half of the 80s, when the ninja craze was starting to die down, Taiwan invested its action movie resources in another unlikely sub-genre: the kung fu children sub-genre. Perhaps they realized that a) kids like martial arts and b) most martial arts films were getting 'R' ratings (or the local equivalent) and making kiddie martial arts fare was the best way to guarantee international sales. 

The seeds had been planted during the old school days, when Taiwan gave us films like Shaolin Chastity Kung Fu and Kung Fu Kids Break Away. The latter might've been a hit in Taiwan, but I can only surmise that a single person in Hong Kong went to see it: the HKMDB lists the local box office intake as being 1 HKD...ONE HONG KONG DOLLAR. That's even worse than Psychedelic Cop!!! They also produced The Little of Hero of Shaolin Temple, released in the United State for budget labels as Little Ninja Heroes and Red Dragon of Shaolin. That one was interesting because it demonstrates just how different Eastern attitudes toward child-oriented violence is than Western attitudes. According to B-movie reviewer Nathan Shumate, that film had a body count of 59, "of whom at least 80% were children." You could never get away with that Stateside. Parent groups ran by mentally-imbalanced Concerned Mothers would have a collective anneurysm! So while Hong Kong had Jackie, Sammo, Yuen and the Aces (who went places at the time), Taiwan had the Kung Fu Kids, the Thunder Ninja Kids, and the Seven Lucky Ninja Kids. Then in the 1990s, we got a whole bunch of movies about Sik Siu-Lung and Kok Siu-Man playing junior Shaolin monks and getting into hijinks. Once that well dried, 90% of Taiwan's action output just withered and died.

This movie starts off by talking about numerous stars, including Bruce Lee, who have died of cirrhosis and drug overdoses. You know, because we need to start this kids film off on a light note. The point of this preface is to remind us that stars come and go (usually horribly, from the looks of it) and their going allows for new faces, such as our three young stars! Kinda morbid if you ask me. So we have three young children: Hsiao (Tso Shiao-Hu), the de facto leader of the trio; Ah Kuo (Yen Tseng-Kuo); and Chubby (Chen Chung-Jung). These three have been brought up in the sticks by their grandfather (A City Called Dragon's Chen Hui-Lou), who has taught them kung fu with a regimen that would make Sam Seed proud. He's also denied them access to modern society, so when they sneak out of the house to go to Taiwan to find their grandmother--the film never mentions what happened to their parents--they'll be surprised when they walk into McDonalds (in a scene that's probably less obnoxious than Mac n' Me) or accidentally enter a girl's restroom at a shopping market. They eventually get taken in by some criminals, botch some sort of deal, and find themselves being hunted by the bad guys. They find their grandmother and long-lost sister, but when the latter is kidnapped, our three young heroes have to step up to the plate and kick some major bad guy butt!

So yeah, it's an action-comedy from the 1980s: perfunctory plot, little characterization, lapses in logic (I can't imagine a restaurant manager would let anyone walk away with an 800-dollar tab unpaid), plot holes (Where are the parents? Does Taiwan have child services?), but a fair helping of martial arts action and people falling through furniture in painful-looking positions. The first third plays out like a period kung fu comedy, complete with a too-strict teacher, attempts to trick him, and all sorts of goofy training exercises. Once the kids reach Taipei, it's a fish-out-of-water comedy, with the kids getting into komic situations, many of which result in pitched martial arts battles. Unlike this films western counterparts, like The 3 Ninjas, the later fights place the children in actual grave danger. You never believe for a moment that Rocky, Colt and Tum-Tum will ever get hurt. But the Kung Fu Kids, they get shot at, hacked at with by machetes and katana, and face-kicked by Eugene Thomas to the point of spitting out blood. To quote Helen Parr from The Incredibles, "The [do] not exercise restraint because they are children."

The action is brought to us by longtime Kevin Chu collaborator Lam Man-Cheung, whom I've longed lauded as being the greatest choreographer to come out of Taiwan. It plays like a typical Sammo Hung 80s slug-fest in terms of choreography style. Lots of people fall onto tables and break them. Our heroes, especially Tso Hsiao-Hu and Yen Tseng-Kuo do all sorts of jump kicks, axe kicks, cartwheels, flying-somersault-back-drops. At the end of the second act, we get a long fight at a warehouse where the three face off with a whole bunch of crooks armed with machetes and choppers. The finale runs for a good 15 minutes. After dispatching a few nameless thugs, the three enter a dojo and face up with some Caucasian and Black martial artists. Then they square off with frequent Lo Rei collaborator Eugene Thomas, who manhandles the young tykes until they triple-team him with nunchaku.  Then they take on a room full of kendo stylists in full kendo regalia armed with shinai (bamboo swords), whom they defeat with their nunchaku. Finally, they pit their skills against a bunch of Chinese sanda types. Being a Taiwanese film made in 1986 and not choreographed by Jackie, Sammo or Corey, I think the choreography is just fine and is a good showcase for our heroes. Even Chubby gets to fight more here than he does in the other movies, where's he almost pure comic relief.

For anyone who's been watching 80s and 90s Hong Kong action for years and wants something new, but still familiar, I suggest you check this one out. The action is of a high standard, considering the ages of our main actors and there's enough of it to get through the bad dubbing (even by my low standards) and goofy humor that suggests that the makers of The Iceman Cometh took inspiration from this. It probably wouldn't fly with the helicopter mothers of today (pun intended), but it's pleasant enough ride that you won't complain too much about the occasional bumpiness.