Magic Crystal (1986)

Magic Crystal (1986)
Chinese Title: 魔翡翠
Translation: Magic Emerald

 

Starring: Andy Lau Tak-Wah, Cynthia Rothrock, Nat Chan Pak-Cheung, Bin Bin, Wong Jing, Max Mok Siu-Chung, Sharla Cheung Man, Phillip Ko Fei, Richard Norton, Shek Kin
Director: Wong Jing
Action Director: Tony Leung Siu-Hung

 

Magic Crystal is an exceptionally strange oddity—from a territory known for such—coming out of Hong Kong. One part 80s martial arts film; one part goofy E.T. rip-off; and one part Indiana Jones rip off, this multi-genre concoction may very well cause even the most stalwart Hong Kong cinephile to lift their eyebrow at the weirdness on display. Back at the Bad Movie Message Board, of which I actively participated from 2009 until 2020, it was the crux of a running inside joke regarding soul-crushing movies, the sort of film that one might class with the likes of Sextette and Invasion of the Star Creatures. But then you go to more fight-centric circles, like The Stunt People, and the film gets the highest rating on account of the action.

The hero of our film is Andy Lo (Andy Lau, of Firestorm and Casino Raiders), a high-kicking private investigator who is routinely hired by the police (represented by Enter the Dragon’s Shek Kin) for to help gather evidence for tougher cases. When we meet him, Andy and his partner, Snooker Pan (Wong Jing, the director), are infiltrating a crime boss’s house to get the contents of his safe on the eve a trial. While cooling down afterward, Andy gets a letter from an archaeologist friend (Philip Ko Fei, of Dragons Forever and Shaolin Intruders) whose discoveries in Greece have attracted the unwanted attention of the KGB. He requests Andy’s help in helping him get out of the country alive. Andy, Snooker and Andy’s nephew, Pin Pin, take a plane to Athens for a brief Greek jaunt.

After the basic sightseeing, they run into both Dr. Shen and the KGB, resulting in a running fight between Andy, the KGB’s kung fu killers, and a pair of Interpol agents: Cindy Morgan (Cynthia Rothrock, of Fast Getaway 2 and Yes, Madam!) and Max (Max Mok, of Once Upon a Time in China 2 and Nitelife Hero). Shen is eventually shot and captured by the KGB, but not before slipping his “discovery” into Pin Pin’s suitcase.

Once back in Hong Kong, Pin Pin discovers a glowing crystal (complete with magical powers and a child’s voice) inside his luggage. While Andy is out protecting Dr. Shen’s sister, Winnie (Sharla Cheung Man, of Crystal Fortune Run and Kung Fu Cult Master), Pin Pin is using the crystal’s magic powers to help him fight bullies and torment Winnie’s tag-along would-be suitor Lau Ta (Nat Chan, of Last Hero in China). The KGB, led by Mr. Karov (Richard Norton, of Millionaire’s Express and Mr. Nice Guy), tracks down the crystal to Pin Pin’s house and kidnaps the boy, but not before a big kung fu fight between Karov, Cindy Morgan and Pin Pin’s stay-at-home mother (late-period Shaw Brothers actress Wong Mei-Mei, The Convict Killer and The Boxer from the Temple).

Andy and Snooker Pan ultimately team up with Interpol and follow the KGB back to Greece, where a House of TrapsÔ is discovered beneath the Acropolis (or some other set of Greek ruins). At the center of the House of Traps is a UFO—the origin of the crystal—and an explanation so strange that only a madman like Wong Jing could have dreamed it up.

Magic Crystal is certainly not a movie for the faint of heart when it comes to B-movies. Casual viewers will probably dismiss the nonsensical story, a second act that focuses on the “comic” shenangigans of Wong Jing regular Nat Chan, and a final round of exposition that…well…will assuredly make people reply, “Wait, what!?” I mean, this is the movie where the KGB is represented by one white guy (an Australian), and a bunch of Asian martial artists. This is a movie where Wong Jing touches a crystallized piece of green snot and declares, “I have the power!” before falling face-first out a window. This is a movie where an alien crystal temporarily transforms a little boy into Bruce Lee. If that sounds entertaining to you, then have at it! With regards to the Nat Chan subplot, I did like how it ended: him getting escorted away in a strait-jacket after the crystal convinces him that he has hypnotic powers—he unsuccessfully tries to rob a bank with them.

If you can get past all the silliness, then there is some wonderful action courtesy of Tony Leung Siu-Hung. In fact, I’d venture to say that this is the best gig that Leung has had in all of his Hong Kong career—I exclude the Seasonal movies that were produced for American audiences (No Retreat, No Surrender III; King of the Kickboxers; Bloodmoon; Superfights). And for an action director career that has spanned almost five decades and ninety films, that is definitely saying something. Leung Siu-Hung goes for a pseudo-old school approach to the action, with the characters often breaking out into traditional forms just because…well, that’s what they do.

Andy Lau and his stunt double get all sorts of work outs in their fights, especially the latter when it comes to impressive acrobatics. The movie opens with a fight between Lau and some stuntmen, including Sammo Hung regular Chung Fat. Even better is a later fight between him and a room full of bat-wielding killers at a gymnasium, which is full of crazy jumps and classic 80s fight choreography. He’s even better here than he was in The Lucky Stars Go Places, and that film got the Best Action Choreography nomination at the HK Film Awards!

Overshadowing him, however, are gwailo actors Richard Norton and Cynthia Rothrock. Rothrock had already been in Yes, Madam! and The Millionaire’s Express, so by this point, she was visibly more accustomed to the Hong Kong method of screen fighting. Rothrock had trained in wushu and had championed in forms between 1981 and 1985, and this is the first film to really give those traditional forms an showcase. In her first fight, Rothrock takes on a KGB henchman (played by Leung Siu-Hung himself, wielding a pair of tonfa) with three-section staff that connects into a spear—standard-issue Interpol equipment. Next, Rothrock wields a saber (or broadsword or dao) against Norton, whose Goju-Ryu skills have been adjusted to make him look like a Tiger Claw expert. Joining her is Wong Mei-Mei, who wields a two-edged sword (or jian) like an old school Shaw Brothers wuxia pian.

The finale is a special treat: Rothrock digs deeper into her wushu repertoire with not one, but two animal styles on display. Those would be the Ying Jao Pai (Eagle’s Claw) and Praying Mantis styles, which she looks really good and flexible performing. Once more, Leung Siu-Hung tailors Richard Norton’s skills to look something more akin to traditional Chinese kung fu, instead of Japanese martial arts. But then Leung Siu-Hung allows Norton to dip into his repertoire, which includes Kobudo, of Japanese weapons. He whips out a pair of sai swords and gives a complex demonstration in the context of fight choreography that is one for the ages, ranking up there with Heroes of the East and Tiger vs Dragon. The choreography in this segment is so good that you almost wish that Rothrock and Norton had been cast in earlier kung fu movies that could have given more space for them to shine. And to some, it’s enough for you to forget Nat Chan trying to sexually harrass Cheung Man.